Over the years I’ve struggled with the question of what makes a person good. Now that I’ve seen and experienced many different people in different parts of the world let me share what I’ve learned so far.
Language is rather imprecise when thinking of the word good. Meriam-Webster offers the folling definitions:
- of a favorable character or tendency – but favorable by whom?
- agreeable, pleasant – so just do as others do?
- adequate, satisfactory – by whose standards?
- conforming to a standard – here it is again: ahh, yes, just like the majority does
- virtuous, right, commendable – say more!
- kind, benevolent – OK
- skillful – I’m trying, but writing is hard 😉
- loyal – to whom? Shouldn’t I pick?
So there are some hints here. First, there doesn’t seem to be a one and all encompassing quality that makes us good. In other words, there are many different ways we can be good. I would also observe that some of the qualities used in the definitions are themselves very hard to define – i.e. what makes us a virtuous person? Whole books have been written about that alone since the ancient Greeks.
Where I’m going with this is that being good is a multi-dimensional quality. The exact metric needs to be defined by each person individually, each society locally and each era separately. So ‘being good’ is a function of place and time. Let’s call this our first observation.
For completeness let me mention that many world religions would disagree here and proclaim the existence of an absolute truth and therefore an absolute measure of good. I will admit that such a value system that is coherent in itself can be constructed and lived by, but such a system is not unique (there can be multiple such systems, as proven by multiple co-existing world religions) and therefore such systems are not absolute (it’s a little bit more complicated than that but I’ll stop here). Which brings me back to my earlier observation that there can be multiple ways of being good. So multiple systems of goodness are co-existing and a function of place and time. You can observe this around the world manifesting itself in different societies such as European, Chinese, Indian, Saud-Arabian, Arboriginal, just to mention a few. I intentionally threw in some societies that the western world would have a hard time calling and accepting as good as they’re in direct violation of western goodness standards. But once you accept that the western system is just one amongst many possible, it’s easier to recognize that those societies while very different have also their own goodness standards.
So what is it in a western society today, that makes us good? Is it furthering mankind by making new discoveries and inventing new things? Is it compassion and love for others? Is it making as much money as you can and then give (some of it) back to society? Is it the heroic act of caring for others? As parents, as relatives for the family members in failing health? Or is it the altruistic way of living? Is it not sinning by the rules of the church? Is it being good if I reproduce (having kids)?Or is that alone not good enough?
I claim that it depends on what you as an individual define and what your surrounding society recognizes as advantageous in a non-individual sense, so for the greater good.
But were does such a value system leave individualists, that don’t live like the mainstream? Brilliant, yet eccentric scientists (think Einstein), artists (Picasso, van Gogh), business people such as Steve Jobs or Bill Gates? Are/were they good? They surely did contribute to their societies in exceptional ways.
So by going by my argument above that good is a multi-dimensional property, I’d argue that those outlier people are good people on some vectors of the goodness space, and very likely less so in others. Their goodness is only visible on a subset of vectors in the goodness space and we can’t judge them on more private and less visible ones like love and caring for others.
But in this observation lies hope. Being good is not one thing. It’s complex. It’s personal. And it requires context in society. It also might change over time what we perceive as good.
But with this insight one can be good on your personal most favorite goodness axis and become the mother Theresia of (not for!) your own good, if you will. It just might not be publicly visible or recognized.
In the end we’re just passing time here. Be good in your own way and make your stay worthwhile. That’s a start.
Next: Humbleness